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Understanding Marital Relationships |
Compatibility |
A house, a life, a marriage, is only as good as the foundation
it rests on. When a storm or floodwaters or winds threaten the
foundation, the ones who crash are the ones built on sand rather
than those built on rock. |
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A marriage also needs to be built on a rock. I also compare
marriage sometimes with a corporation with officers. A man and a
woman need to be corporate officers with equal responsibilities
but sometimes different activities and assignments. But before I
enter into this corporation, I need to know what I am able and
willing to put into the marriage. What do I expect to get out of
the marriage? What are our needs physically, emotionally,
spiritually, and sexually? What methods do we need to use to
reach those goals? To answer these questions you must know
yourself. You must have your own identity. |
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Often the physical attraction blinds us, the other emotional
need. The basic needs of all of us are: someone to be close to,
to confide in, to reveal ourselves to without fear of being
hurt, someone who will not shut the door upon us. We hunger for
identity. To know who we are and where we are going. We want to
climb to the top of the mountain. We want to use the same path.
We want to understand our needs, the needs of our body, mind and
spirit and we also want to know the needs of our partner. You
definitely want your partner to be happy also. Unhappiness for
one means unhappiness for both. |
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Many marriages wind up in unhappiness or divorce on account
of incompatibility. Compatibility is of big importance in a
marriage. A man and a woman who are not well matched, who are
very different and yet are teamed up in a marriage can encounter
great problems. When husband and wife have different interests,
different tastes of friends and emotional activities and only a
few things in common, the marital bonds can come under great
strain. Compatibility is not just an exciting foundation, it is
something we can also create through the process of learning
from each other, positive behaviors through realization of the
partners needs, and learning to omit behaviors that have daily
negative influence on the couple. |
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The couple needs to construct relationship rules. Rules that
might bring new awareness into the individuals identity and life
rules. I will do everything for my relationship except two
things: losing my identity and prostituting my values. |
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Compatibility or lack of it can also be highly affected by
our cultural and familiar backgrounds. These differences are not
always negative. They can be a very positive, enjoyable and
enriching aspect of our lives, dependent upon our personal
desire to continue to learn. Learning is growing. |
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The highest and deepest foundation for compatibility is our
concept of love. Love does not behave indecently. Love does not
look for its own interests, love does not become provoked, love
does not rejoice over un-righteousness, but rejoices with the
truth. Compatibility is exciting our love with the experience of
the adventure of living together and to climb to the top of the
mountain on the same path. |
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Marliese Franek is the founder of "Partners in
Psychotherapy" with offices in East Greenwich and Newport. She
works along with her husband, Dr. Bruno Franek (Psychiatrist)
and their daughter, Dr. Cornelia Franek (Clinical Psychologist).
Marliese is an AAMP licensed marital and Family Therapist as
well as an AASECT Certified Sexual Therapist. The New England
Wedding Professionals is pleased to feature Marliese Franek's
column on our Web Site. |
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